You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
