I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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