my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
