just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
