First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
