After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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