I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
