this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am naked and annoyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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