so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
