if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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