I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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