i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
