i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
