1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
