i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
