I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
