he was CRYING into my vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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