I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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