sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
