my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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