i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
