oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
