If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
