Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
