In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
