Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
