dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
