I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
