I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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