Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
