whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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