u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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