Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
