She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
