I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to make a zoo with you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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