i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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