I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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