i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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