so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
