Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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