Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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