did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
