you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
