i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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