Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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