so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
