It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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