he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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