He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
