Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
