What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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