I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize