I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
