College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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