I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
