Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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