Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
