I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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