just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
