1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
