doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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