I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
