I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
