I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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