Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
...so i touched it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
