I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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