please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
