the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
