Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
