My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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