We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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