I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
