Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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