So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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