Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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