I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
