i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
