whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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