and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
